Love Yourself So Others Know How To Love You
Updated: May 8
I often write about self love, because it’s something I have been learning a lot through my own experience in the recent years.
Loving yourself is a necessary ingredient for a happy life in general. This time I am relating it to finding a partner, because many of my clients and friends are really struggling with this one.
Self love is reflected through what we carry outside as much as through what’s on the inside.
Make sure you cultivate both.
People say “looks don’t matter”. Let me disappoint you - they do!
Look at birds, they have all these fluffy colourful feathers, they perform amazing dance to attract a mating partner or love of their life.
As I said, it’s not just about getting dressed up and pretty on the outside, if your soul doesn’t shine bright, best you will achieve is to get laid in a one night stand.
So good news is - even if you feel you were not born with facial features you consider beautiful, there is so much that can be done in and out.
If you are eager to attract a partner and you feel this whole self love thing might take years, start with small things and watch the miracle unfold.
1. Dress up for yourself! Many people think that we dress up for others to like us better, to attract attention, to get acknowledgement. For this reason, once we go on a spiritual path, it happens to some of us that we reject everything considered beautiful in material world.
In my first year in yoga community I started wearing baggy clothes, stopped painting my nails, using perfume and returned from blond to my natural brown hair. Nothing wrong with that, right? I got rid of bunch of chemicals. But baggy clothes? If you find them comfortable and enjoy them, go for it. But don’t choose it just because you believe looking good is not spiritual enough.
Why not dress up for yourself? It can trigger self admiration, leading to self love. On the days when I am feeling shitty, instead of sitting in my pyjamas, I find the best outfit and put it on, even if I am not leaving the house. Try it, it has power to make you feel a tiny bit better.
2. Shower! This one should go without saying, but you would be surprised. Releasing pheromones to attract the right partner is all good and legit. But don’t let that sweat pile up and make everybody else want to leave the room. Keep your hair clean. If you paint your nails (both as a man or a woman) don’t let them go all cracked and half painted. If you don’t have time or desire to take care of it, just keep them natural. Being clean and fresh is not necessarily something we just do for other people, it will make you feel better.
3. Compliment yourself! How often do you give yourself credit for the things you have done right, for your qualities, your body? There are two ways to practice this daily:
Stand in front of the mirror every morning and tell yourself out loud what you find beautiful or worthy of compliment.
If the first one is too challenging in the beginning, start by writing down the same thing.
If you can’t find anything worth a praise, start with “fake it until you make it”. You know they say that lie we repeat to ourself long enough, eventually becomes the truth. That’s how you stopped loving yourself in the first place :)
4. Body posture and language: Are your shoulders mostly down, chest closed, hand in pockets or arms crossed? Even if we don’t say anything our bodies speak to the rest of the world! What do you want your body to be saying?
This can be transformed again by practising in front of the mirror or if you have enough awareness, keep checking on yourself throughout the day. Open your chest, remove the frown from your face, uncross your arms and legs, stand tall and SMILE!!!
Body language is a reflection of your inner state, but it is still a mechanical thing. Meaning, even if you feel shitty, you can make your body look victorious. And a beautiful thing is, this has power to transform how you feel on the inside. When you feel so bad that you could explode, but there is nothing you can do to change the situation, change how you feel about it. Smile at your own reflection in the mirror, keep smiling, it’s gonna feel fake and uncomfortable, but after 3-5-10 minutes you will start giggling if for nothing else, then the silliness of the whole thing.
5. Cultivate your inner spark! Eyes are the window to the soul. Make your eyes sparky. I could write five articles on this subject, but I will keep it short.
Spark comes from embracing life, letting it flow through us freely.
In order to do that:
find your purpose - if you do what you were sent here to do, life will flow
dance or immerse yourself in some activity that requires movement and makes you happy
surround yourself with inspiring, positive people
adopt healthy habits - eating and sleeping well, drinking water, exercise etc.
don’t judge other people and situations - cultivate compassion
give generously - giving is one the two basic human needs necessary to achieve fulfilment (the other one is growth)
Stop complaining about being invisible, let go of the idea that there are no good men/women out there.
Clean up, dress up, love yourself and go shine your light in the world.
Chances are, if you feel good in your own skin and have amazing, fulfilling life, you won’t have the need for a partner. But it’s also true that the Universe will send someone amazing your way if you still have the desire for companionship.