I used to faint quite often as a kid and my family didn’t believe me, saying I am making it up to attract attention.
These little pains and injustices stay with us all the way to the adulthood.
What normally happens is that we attract situations and people who will recreate the feeling we carry from the early age.
For me it’s lies and injustice.
Most of my 20s I was a cold hearted, self sufficient woman. I wouldn’t let anyone close enough to trigger my wounds. And life seemed harmonious as well as my relationships.
There was no pain and turbulence.
But at the same time it started feeling dull and I got this itchy feeling that there must be more to life that that.
When you keep your heart guarded sure you might avoid pain but you also won't feel the joy of love.
My last relationship stirred up years of suppressed emotions. All the inadequacy, insecurity, daddy issues but above all what bothered me the most was injustice!
It would give me this nauseating feeling of powerlessness. Knowing I am being accused of something I certainly didn't do, but having no way to prove it.
It would take me right back into the place of that 7 year old girl that felt betrayed by her parents.
He would lie, cheat, do shady things, totally disrespect our relationship and then turn it around and blame it on me. or blame me for doing that very thing.
Sometimes I would wonder how he would even come up with the idea that I did what he was accusing me of. But soon after I would realise that either he did that very thing or is totally capable of doing something similar and by the law of projection he would see it in everyone else.
I was fighting it for such a long time, feeling extreme discomfort with injustice. And slowly my childhood wound started revealing itself.
The more I was feeling into it the more I was realising that my family not believing me had nothing to do with me, but with their own experience of life and the ability to raise a 7 year old.
By the same principle my ex blaming me for every single thing that goes wrong in his life (even 10 months after the breakup) has nothing to do with me, but with his own deep wounding, abandonment issue and general lack of trust towards other humans (coming from feeling unsafe at an early age around his parents).
At this point we have two choices:
Drop into our lower self and say "Well if you think I am a bitch, let me show you how much of a monster I can be".
Going down this road might feel good for the ego that seeks revenge and justice.
But in the long run it just continues the vicious circle of suffering. I hurt you, then you hurt me, then I stab you back out of revenge, it never ends and we learn nothing.
Stay in love and integrity.
I love you even if you throw rocks at me. I won't hurt you just because you're not reciprocating my kindness or love.
I certainly won't engage with you, unless I am a masochist, but I won't go down the path of revenge.
Choosing this way might be more difficult in the beginning as our egos are gonna demand recognition and revenge. The nasty little bastard (ego) will tell you things like: "How dare he/she", "Let's show him/her we are not to be messed with", "After everything we have done for them, this is how...".
How people behave is a reflection of who they are the moment, how you react is sign of who you are.
All this brings me back to compassion.
If you can reach beyond the other’s masks and defence mechanisms that come out as anger, victimhood, manipulation etc., you will see a lot of pain, fear and suffering.
There is nothing you can do about it. Trust me, I tried. But you can open your heart and silently offer love and compassion.
Not fight for justice, you might never get it.
Deep in your heart you know the truth of what kind of human you are and that’s all that matters.
Love is the answer to most of the problems.
Pure love and healthy boundaries 💕