How To Love Fearlessly
Updated: Oct 5, 2019
How many times have you heard someone saying “I love her/him to death!”? We make these big statements so easily. Truth is, every day you have the opportunity to prove it. You can die for the other person every single day! Of course it has nothing to do with your physical body, but with the death of your ego. In every argument you can choose to let your ego die by “losing” the fight, by choosing to love and understand others instead of winning.
In order to love someone fearlessly, first we need to learn to love ourselves. For many of us this is not an easy task.
If you judge yourself too hard, never acknowledge success or progress, if you don’t adore your body, your mind, how are you ever gonna be able to respect and love all of this in someone else. Your “admiration” for the other is always going to have a hint of jealousy or even the need to feel completed by what the other has.
Let's start by recognising our qualities. What is it that I am good at or what is it that is good in me? It’s always good to make a list.
When it comes to my physical body, every time I am in front of the mirror, I give myself a compliment. Then I smile at the reflection. At times it feels silly, but who cares :) Try it next time! Instead of looking for flaws - tiny pimples or freckles, bigger nose, thin lips, small shoulders etc. - acknowledge the beauty of your smile, hair, skin, anything. Do this every day for couple of weeks and see how your attitude towards life is going to change. You will start being brighter, happier, more confident, more successful etc.
Same goes for all the other aspects of your life: what is your craft, talent, little something that you are amazing at. It can be as "small" as a beautiful handwriting or you can be a brilliant scientist or an artist or "just" a damn good cook. Maybe it's the kindness of your heart or the ability to feel others. Find that thing and give yourself acknowledgement every day!
It is known that once we reach a place of self love and respect, we enter what is called healthy independency. Realising we are enough, we won’t need another person to make us feel complete.
And that is when we can start giving love unconditionally. Because when you love yourself and feel fulfilled, there is nothing that someone else is doing wrong or that makes you feel less than what you are.
You won’t have the need to win arguments, as you know who you are and you don’t need to put the other down to make yourself feel better.
At this point all the people that are not in resonance with your new energy start falling off and the ones who stay will be in tune. All the dramas disappear, even when the argument arises, you will approach it from the conscious place of love and not the ego. If the other person is still fighting and wanting to win for the sake of their hungry ego, all you will feel is love and compassion. You are not going to have desire to fall into their drama, you will just calmly wait for the storm to pass.
A friendly warning, no matter how much work we have done, we will never be perfect. So once in a while, when the storm comes you won’t have the clarity and stability to navigate it and you will fall. But that’s not the end of the world, as long as you can come out of it, breathe and later extend the olive branch to your loved one, even if it feels that they are in the wrong.
When I started practicing this olive branch offering, in the beginning my ego was screaming and insisting that it’s humiliating to forgive first. It took me many repetitions, but eventually it started feeling really good. Not in the sense of me being a better person, but as me doing the right thing.
Because choosing LOVE is always the right thing!
“YOUR POWER IS IN YOUR LOVING”
Your power is in your loving.
Not in your brute strength.
Not in your bank balance or your ever-changing reputation.
Not in your incredible tales of personal conquest and gain.
Not even in your intellect, your brilliant mind.
But in your willingness to let your heart break today.
In your courage to let another in, let them matter.
To feel what they feel.
To feel joy, or sorrow, or the most delicious doubting.
To stand with them, but not try to fix them.
To be the room for all this emergence.
That is your power;
your ability to provide sanctuary,
to let life nestle in your giant heart.
To hold the powerless and the helpless.
To breathe into your belly, your chest,
your head, your tense shoulders.
To stand victorious there;
holding all of yourself in a light yet powerful embrace.
Saying to yourself:
Sweetheart, I am here.
I am here at last.
- Jeff Foster