Forgiveness

How do you forgive someone who hurt you?⠀

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What worked for me is taking responsibility for my choices.⠀

This definitely doesn't mean you should blame yourself for someone's shitty actions or think you deserve what "they did to you".⠀

But the truth is we choose who we let into our lives and there is always a higher purpose to it - something to learn from it...⠀

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It is also very important to set clear boundaries so if someone is not treating you with the same respect you offer them, they shouldn't be part of your life. No matter if it's a partner, family member or a friend. If you don't respect yourself, you are setting an example for other people on how to treat you.⠀

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In my last relationship all along I thought I was forgiving all the stabs and hurts, but what I was actually doing is suppressing pain in hope something will change. It was piling up into a mountain of resentment which in turn made me act in aways that would hurt him and thus we created a vicious circle.⠀

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How to check if your forgiveness is real or you are just numbing the pain away?⠀

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When you think about the event or action that hurt you, check your reaction. Is there tension in your chest? Is there slight anxiety, fear, sadness, discomfort, pain?⠀

If there is, you haven't fully forgiven. You haven't embodied the idea that it was a lesson for you to learn and had very little to do with the other person. ⠀

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Things don't happen to us, they happen for us!

Months after my relationship ended and only once we stopped all contact was I able to process what happened and reach true forgiveness.⠀

Thinking back on all the drama and pain we inflicted on each other, I have nothing but heaps of compassion for both of us.⠀

We did the best we could with who we were at the time.⠀

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People and situations come into our life to help us grow. ⠀

Triggers happen to point out where we are not free.⠀

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What we mostly do in our intimate relationships is reliving our childhood traumas (mommy or daddy issues).⠀

Until we become aware of it and are ready to face what's sitting inside of us.⠀

Once we start this process, there is less and less need to blame the other and forgiveness comes easier. As now we are conscious of our own wounds, we have more compassion and understanding for the other's.⠀

They say hurt people hurt people. If you can see beyond the hurtful behaviour of your partner, all you will find is their pain and fear.⠀

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Now it's up to you and your specific situation if you want to stay together and love each other through all that pain and healing or you want to end the relationship.⠀

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If you do decide to end it, make sure you are not running away from your own pain. Face it, acknowledge it, see where it comes from, seek help if needed, HEAL!⠀

Unless healed these childhood wounds will keep reenacting themselves and your next partner will be slight variation of your previous one and the one before... and the one before that... ⠀

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First step: forgive, others and yourself. Forgive for not knowing better, forgive the choices that were made.⠀

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Forgiveness is not something we do for the other person, we do it for ourselves!⠀

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"𝑯𝒐𝒍𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝒊𝒔 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒅𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒑𝒐𝒊𝒔𝒐𝒏 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒆𝒙𝒑𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒐 𝒅𝒊𝒆." - 𝑩𝒖𝒅𝒅𝒉𝒂